


Timestamp 1: Three Months Post-Austin

by SeeEmRunning



Series: Heartbreak [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 13:18:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeEmRunning/pseuds/SeeEmRunning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short piece of straight-up angst while I continue work on the next part of the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Timestamp 1: Three Months Post-Austin

It was three months after the Austin debacle that Sam cut himself for the first time.

Afterward, he stared down at the oozing red line on his hip, wondering what he was doing - but really, he knew. The pressure cooker he was in exploded, leaving him with a physical need to get _it_ out, whatever it was. It wasn't a desire. It wasn't a passing thought. It was a need, burning inside him, hollowing out his sternum and filling his stomach with lead, more consuming than hunger or thirst.

It had been a week since the first time he'd hurt himself on purpose, biting on his wrist until it was bruised to hell and bleeding a little from where his teeth had dug in, and Dean's eyes had lingered. If they'd been on better terms, Sam probably would have been teased mercilessly about having a girlfriend with a wrist fetish, but Dean had yet to thaw.

That anger rose in him again, stealing his breath, and his throat closed with that need again. Another slash, deeper this time, and another line joined the first. Relief flooded over him with the sweet pain, and he could almost imagine the filth inside him seeping out with the bright red, and he almost started crying from the relief of having the taint outside him, leaving him-

The front door slammed and Sam jumped. Dean and his father weren't supposed to be home for two more days, which meant the hunt had gone either very well or very poorly. He hoped for the former, not just because it meant neither of them were hurt but also because he wouldn’t have to go along for backup. He hastily wiped the knife with toilet paper, which he then used as a makeshift gauze pad, before pulling his pants back up.

"Sam?" he heard his dad call.

"Just a sec!" Sam washed his hands, as much to avoid suspicion as to get any possible blood off. When he made his way out to the kitchen, he saw both of them leaning against the counter with open beers. "Hunt went well, then?"

"It did indeed," his dad said. 

Dean ignored him. That was par for the course now, but Sam couldn't help the little sting of rejection he felt every time. 

He slipped away to do his homework away from the condemning silence.


End file.
